The Big Five of the Bedroom

hint: if you’re just shoving a finger in and out, YOU’RE NOT HITTING SHIT

Lying back on the bed recently, I wanted to roll my eyes. I warned him that I’m a hard egg to crack, I warned him that only certain things get me going, but he was determined to be the man who managed the impossible. He was expecting this mind blowing, screaming, ripping orgasm from me with his go to, practically patented moves, but instead I politely had to pat him on the head after 20 minutes and tell him that it just wasn’t going to happen.


I always warn you gents, I don’t fake it for anyone.


But why do some guys think that ladies are all a “one size fits all”? Seriously, there’s more variety in what gets women going than a party pack of lollies. So let’s bust some myths and hopefully educate you all on what makes our bodies tick. In other words… take notes for your escorts, girlfriends or wives!!


Myth number 1: You need to find the G spot

The G spot was found in the 1980’s by a German gynaecologist, but it was only found in some women. The G spot was found on the front wall of the vagina, and is found most easily if the woman lies on her back and you use a “come hither you elusive orgasm” motion about 5cm in. For some women the tissue here starts to swell and feels really fricking awesome to them…. For others it just makes you feel like you’re going to pee yourself. It’s not necessarily the most elegant feeling for everyone, and so it doesn’t help everyone. Only one man has ever been able to continuously crack this spot with me with all of five swipes – I can’t even find the little fucker that quickly on myself.

The G spot however, is just one of many erogenous zones that have been named and some women respond to all of them whereas some only respond to a couple of them.


People who like deep sex often find that they are sensitive to cervix stimulation. When you stick your finger really far in, you will feel a raised section about the same hardness as the tip of your nose. Voila, meet the cervix! The best time to try stroking this bad boy is to wait until Day 13-16 of her cycle as it’s most likely to be aroused then. Around 8% of women have had a cervical orgasm. When she is really turned on the cervix will lift away so if you’re struggling to reach this when it lifts off then this is when toys come in handy. Your best bet is to use firm but gentle pressure to slowly glide over the cervix, and see if it feels good to her. If you feel a string in there don’t freak out but for gods sake don’t pull on it either, it’s contraception for many women. That little string is your best friend if you don’t want a mini you to contend with.


In addition to the G spot, there is actually also the A spot that does it for many. This is THE spot for me!!


What the hell is an A spot?


The A spot is the female version of a prostate. It sits between the cervix and the bladder, and direct stimulation can produce some pretty fucking violent orgasmic contractions. Unlike the clitoris, it doesn’t get over-sensitive after stimulation which means you can use it again… and again… and again…

When you feel inside the vagina, you will feel a hollow circle around the cervix right at the back. If you press on the front side of that hollow and swipe across it like a human windscreen wiper or pull it gently towards you with your finger, the vagina miraculously becomes wet and aroused so it’s a great spot to warm women up if they don’t mind you fingering them or using a toy. Special vibrators also exist to target this area, that are long and curve upwards.

It is thought that 11% of women have discovered this spot.


Next is the O spot. The O spot is actually on the back wall of the vagina, a little deeper than the G spot. If a chick isn’t sure if she will enjoy anal, some experts say that this is a good way to test the water as people who like anal are often sensitive here. They think that around 8% of women are sensitive here. Want to try and hit multiple spots at the same time? Try and put the backs of your hands together and use the index finger of both hands to stroke the G spot and the O spot at the same time. I haven’t personally tried this one yet on anyone, will let you know how it goes or you let me know!


Then you have the U spot. I know, more bloody letters but last one I swear.

This one sits just around the urethra and between the urethra and vagina. The U spot is little known but this secret spot is supposed to make some pretty powerful responses, so don’t underestimate it. It’s often incidentally rubbed with clit stimulation.


So much variety to choose from now! So before you just stick a finger in there and start pulling it in and out, maybe have a think about whether you’re even flicking any of these switches (hint: if you’re just shoving a finger in and out, YOU’RE NOT HITTING SHIT)


Myth number 2: You NEED to rub her clit


NO!!!! JUST NO!!!!

Although clit stimulation definitely helps at times, if you go too crazy you wind up giving her a urinary tract infection that leaves her drinking like a thirsty camel in a desperate attempt to flush away the bastard bacteria and the burning ring of fire they bring along to the party (ps. This is not an STI for the uneducated!)

YES, the clit is the area with the most nerve fibres and so for most people this is critical to them having an orgasm. For some, like me, the feeling is just so amplified that it actually makes it harder to come, and if you push it too far into uncomfortable territory then you will not see her orgasm at all. So treat this area gently! A lot of the clitoris you actually can’t see either as it also wraps around the opening of the vagina, so even the act of sex does massage it. So sometimes even just sex will be enough to send your girl over the edge. Some women find that a downward roll of their hips will help to create friction on the clit while being fucked and this will help them orgasm. And sometimes, it’s not enough.


Myth number 3: Too much masturbation can damage me

FALSE! They’re pretty tough little fuckers and you’re highly unlikely to damage yourself per say. You may find that if you like harder pressures during masturbation then your body seeks that same kind of stimulation later to orgasm, but this doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve ‘damaged’ yourself. It just means firm is best with you.


Myth number 4: Vibrators ruin sex for women

All vibrators are is a way to speed up the process…. It doesn’t mean that you will become some vibrator junkie equivalent where you just HAVE to have your vibrator fix to get off or you’ll be shaking with sexual tension for days and vanilla sex just won’t cut it anymore. It just means the vibrator is hitting the right spot and stimulating you faster than a partner is. And for some people, they need that extra oomph to come – there’s nothing wrong with that!!! So relax, and just enjoy that fast forward button. I know I do.

you can’t have great sex with someone else unless you know how to have great sex with yourself

So the moral of the story is…. Ask her what works for her, play around with different spots, and lastly – RELAX! Just because you don’t get her off doesn’t mean you can’t and it also doesn’t mean you necessarily will. Vaginas are wily bitches and even the best of us can struggle with the elusive “aaaaaaahhhhh”.

But I wholeheartedly agree that you can’t have great sex with someone else unless you know how to have great sex with yourself. So ladies, if you’re reading this, get experimental and figure out what about the Big Five turns you on so that you can pass your teachings on… and on…. And on.



Info for this Blog was taken from, Men’s Health and a variety of newspaper articles. I made sure all were written by some kind of expert in the field but obviously these “facts” are not necessarily absolute

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