…you are an incredible human being, and you can make whatever you want to make in your life
This week I met with a friend; I hadn’t seen K in months, and knew she had been having a hard time but needed some space. I didn’t realise how hard a time she had had though. I was blinded by the world of Charlie, and missed some crucial signs that meant I could have lost her a few months ago. Now this beautiful girl is back on track with the world at her feet, but we spoke for a while about that little voice. We all have it. That voice that puts doubt in your mind about your abilities, about yourself as a person.
K put off going to uni to do her dream degree because that voice would tell her “you’re not smart enough. You won’t make it”. When she ignored this voice and got into her dream degree that voice said, “you can’t cope with this. You’re not strong enough. You will fail”. So she spiralled, missed exams out of fear, lost her identity. The ironic thing is that the one exam that I coached her through and managed to force her to go to, she passed! She has everything and more in her! She can do anything she wants. I’m sure we all can relate to this voice, or at least I certainly can, but why can’t we see past it?
We are conditioned by society to pass judgment on ourselves. Everything is a competition… from how high a grade you get in school to how high you climb the promotional ladder. If we don’t look like the celebrities then we’re not worth looking at, if we don’t have a lot of friends then we’re a failure. Sound familiar?
When I decided to go back to uni, so many of my friends were in awe. “I wish I could do what you’re doing,” they’d say, “but I have the kids, I have a house to pay for, I couldn’t get used to a student pay check again”… I laugh at that last one, because clearly there are ways that aren’t everyone’s cup of tea 😉
At any rate, this defeatist voice in your head does nothing for your own progression. If you want something, you need to ignore that little voice and take what you want. I’m learning that life will never hand you anything, as your life is your own to create. If you don’t have faith in yourself, if you aren’t prepared to put in the time to change your situation from one that drains you to one that empowers you – you’re wasting your precious life. You’re going to work for 50 years of your life or more, if life allows it – you will spend the majority of your waking time in that arena. I think that all of us want to feel inspired with our jobs, but that voice can sometimes cloud our judgment or our view of self. Or your demon may actually be a relationship that drains you…. But the voice tells you that it’s easier to stay in the relationship for the kids, or its more comfortable than being single. Why do you need to choose a life of unhappiness though? Why can’t you recreate a life you love? All it takes is some serious guts and the ability to drown that bitch in your head out… who needs her anyway.
So after nearly losing a friend to this, I want to make sure all of you get the message also. This week I want you to take this away…… whenever you think that you are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough…. When your little voice tells you that you shouldn’t go to that function because no one likes you, or that you’ll never make as much money as you’d like, or you’ll never find love – whatever your demon is – acknowledge that, see it for what it is (a fog blocking your vision for your happier future life), and let it go. Take whatever negative thought you had and turn it to positivity, to empowerment, to a message of love for yourself. Even if you don’t feel it initially, still convert those thoughts…. over time if you tell yourself enough times, maybe you will start to feel more acceptance of yourself.
In a world full of criticism, this attitude is crucial. Everyone else has an opinion on you. This will never change. There will always be judgment there. But let it go, and above all don’t judge yourself. Because you are an incredible human being, and you can make whatever you want to make in your life. When you start talking about things in a more positive light, you’ll feel more positive about your life over time. You’ll feel happier. That will rub off onto the people around you, and before you know it life will be peachy. You’ll start to see past the smaller picture for the bigger picture.
Look at yourself and the people around you with love, and don’t waste a single goddamned day. Every second is a second you can’t take back. Make the most of it.