Friend, Foe, Lover or something else?

 

…. I can’t keep seeing you, you are amazing but what you said yesterday resonated with me – you are able to differentiate on intimacy. I cannot do that, I am wired different… This is not for me and I admire and respect what you do. If you ever need a hand with anything (no strings attached) call me anytime xxxx

 

This was the third similar conversation I had had with clients in the space of two weeks. Losing a client because they become too invested is always kind of heart wrenching. It happens periodically to all of us and I remember similar conversations happening back when I worked in establishments years ago. Losing three in two weeks the same way, however – brings on the first blog in around 4 months. Honey….. I’m home!!!

 

Here is the thing fellas; men and women are wired so differently. That Mars and Venus crap – actually isn’t really crap.

 

If there is one thing that I have learnt over the last few years, it is that men struggle more than women to differentiate between sex and intimacy. Men are usually simple, and it’s an envious trait fellas. When you feel something, you feel it. No overanalyzing, no second thoughts, just unadulterated truth. It’s blissful, it can be freeing, I am jealous of it to an extent – but it’s also often your cage. Seeing anyone regularly in an intimate way can sometimes blur the lines between arrangement and relationship for men; after all, all you guys know is that you like her, she’s the kind of girl you wish you could meet, you have great sex, you connect. Every time you see her you notice a new thing, create a new memory, and I get it!!! It can be hard to remember that this started because you browsed the web looking for someone who fit the bill – literally.

This is also probably why our clients are predominantly men (regardless of whether we are a male or female worker). Men – they know they love sex, and when they’re with that particular girl, whoever she is, they feel that indescribable feeling that we all get when we lie in bed with someone we like – but they don’t overanalyze. They don’t compartmentalize. They just feel. So if they book to see a worker, they’re getting what they are looking for because there is often no difference between “sex” and what they are looking for (“intimacy”) – and they don’t even know that they’re getting the best of both worlds!!! They’re so lucky – all they need to do is call and book a girl to get that feeling they’re chasing. Women – they don’t necessarily get what they’re looking for from sex. We will get to them in a second.

 

I am always so conflicted when a client is lost like this because I know that I’m not in a position to give them what they are looking for. If we as workers fell in love with every client we saw, we would headline the next Jerry Springer polygamy special. It would be so emotionally taxing, caring on that level about every person we saw. So on the one hand I let them fly away knowing that it’s better they leave now than get more emotionally invested. On the other hand, when you get along well with a regular client and enjoy their company, you do feel a little gutted when you’re just too good. You know what I’m talking about gals – we’ve all been there.

 

This is where we as women are different…. Women are excellent at compartmentalizing EVERYTHING. This is why when two clients last week said to me that it must be hard not to fall in love with all of my clients, I said…

 

NUP!

 

I sound a little harsh; but bear with me.

 

It can be hard to remember that this started because you browsed the web looking for someone who fit the bill – literally

 

Women are able to place things in boxes. We take something in our mind, turn it over meticulously, often overanalyze… then we choose where that fits in our life and we place it there. It’s a part of our nature. This is a trait that is extra handy in the adult industry, and probably what drives the entire industry to be predominantly female operated. We can take a relationship and decide…. Is it friend, foe, lover or something else? We can separate sex away from the scenario and think to ourselves… is this business or pleasure? Even though I have incredible fun with my clients, the way I feel with them is dramatically different to if I was in love with someone. That is a necessary boundary; if people can’t produce that boundary in sex then they will never work in this industry and keep their precious sanity. Now I can feel what some of you are going to say, and hold up – I realize that many men can create these boundaries within their life, and enjoy a ‘business’ relationship with an escort, with a healthy level of care for each other, for a long period of time with no problems…. my personal experience, however, is that often it is more difficult for men to keep this boundary in perspective than it is for women.

 

This is probably also why the average woman often doesn’t see male workers – they go back to their compartments, look at what they have in life and prioritise other aspects over sex. They overanalyze (yet again) and decide that they don’t need sex because they have so many other things in their life. (This is also often the way relationships break down FYI – an unhealthy lack of importance placed on sex but that’s another story). Our control over our lives is often our eventual downfall.

 

Just because we as workers compartmentalize well and can separate work from play doesn’t mean that those boundaries never cross. I personally know workers who met clients, fell in love, got married, started a family and lived their own real life suburban version of Pretty Woman. There is nothing wrong about this and in fact I feel it’s romantic… sometimes life happens and you meet ‘the one’ in places you never expected. However, I feel like I will always be the kind of person who will struggle to ever cross a bridge between client and partner. To me work is work and life is life…. As much as I love my clients, I also love separation to live a normal life. Whoever my partner ends up being, I want to enjoy a relationship outside of this mysterious, often secretive, alluring world of escorting. After all, where men crave sex and women crave the intimacy surrounding ‘sex’, escorts only crave one thing – to live a normal life, being perceived as a normal person.

 

So when you do start seeing an escort regularly, just keep in perspective the reason why you are there and remember that whether you’re a client for a month or a year, we do genuinely care about you – however private life is exactly that – private. By and large, our client relationships don’t usually extend into our personal world, for very good reason. Stalking, harassment via constant texts/calls and inappropriate levels of adoration are very possible realities for us, and we require boundaries. Boundaries don’t mean we don’t care about you. If you do manage to find that perfect someone and decide escorting is no longer for you, I’ll happily say goodbye knowing you’re off to enjoy  your life with your significant other. But until that person comes along, my bed and body is available to you 😉

 

2 thoughts on “Friend, Foe, Lover or something else?”

  1. Again, very insightful. I’m new/naive to this world and have never really thought about any of this…but, if there’s one thing multiple uni degrees has taught me, the more I learn the more I realise I don’t know much. Now I’m wondering what uni degree you’re studying. Thanks, Charlie.

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